Cookiegate '08

I'll avoid blabbing about being hit by a car. I'm alive. It hurt for a couple days. I'm a little uglier. My bike is in three pieces. I'm riding again. I guess that's all the matters at this point. On to Cookiegate '08.

I have this tendency to open my mouth at the wrong times when something that I think is funny pops into my head. I've done it as long as I can remember and continue to do it. Sometimes I take it to another level while at work incorporating email. Usually it revolves around not being a slob and putting your dishes away, refilling the coffee pots. not replying to everyone for a one-on-one conversation or the basic busting of someone's chops. For the most part everyone laughs, which is why I continue to do it, but from time to time I take it to next level and someone's feelings get hurt. That is where we start with the Cookiegate saga.

It started when I was heating up some food and noticed a Ziploc bag of cookies sitting atop the microwave. People always bring goodies into the office to share. We are like vultures and they don't last long. When I saw the bag of cookies I noticed they were a shade darker than what you'd expect from a chocolate chip cookie. The wheels were spinning...I hustled back to my desk, popped open a new email, addressed it to CPT (the corporate distribution list for Lake Oswego- approx 60-70 people) and that was my first mistake. I thought twice before typing. "F it" was my third thought and away I typed. Here is what I wrote with the subject line "Holiday Cookies":

• I know it’s the thought that counts, but if you are going to bring cookies into the office and leave them in the kitchen don’t bring the batch you burned/overcooked. That’s just wrong.
  

My second mistake was actually sending the email out to everyone. Damn!!!! I never think about the consequences. Here is a sampling of the replies I received over the course of the ensuing five minutes. Guess which ones came from boys and which from girls:

1. Leave it to you to incite a cookie issue…


2. Fill me in....were they just brown?


3. I'm laughing


4. I saved this email because it’s definitely among your finest work


5. You're such an ass.... :)


6. Seriously Aaron, this may be a new low for you. (I set this person straight. It wasn't a new low)


7. Rude(.) Just don’t eat them. Your choice.


8. Maybe the(y) honestly tried to make a good batch? Maybe they like burned cookies?
   

Give up...the first four were from the boys and the last four from the girls. Immediately I sent out this email that only contained the subject line:

• I'm an ass****

That one opened up Pandora's box and eased the obvious tension at the same time. Hindsight is 20/20, right? I wish I had more of it. The cookies really weren't that bad and my original email brought attention them. They were gone in ten minutes.

They way I saw it was like you are getting ready to make a trip to Goodwill. You rummage through your closet and drawers to see what you can put together for those who are less fortunate. It's no different than going out of your way to make an batch of cookies for the office. You throw a few sheets in the oven and they turn out great. Then the 3rd batch gets a little over-cooked. Guess who is getting those? That's right, Sally and John in the cubes down the hall. Now you've finished your rummaging and all you come up with to give Goodwill is...your old underwear. You are doing something good, but are you really doing something good by giving away your old drawers. That's my two cents.

I'm sorry feelings were hurt. I spoke to the burnt, batch baker (alliteration is fun) and apologized. I have been reprimanded and my leash is extremely tight (I'm not sure I can use the "I'm family so I'll be never fired" excuse much longer). TBD.

Villebois Course Vexes, Victimizes and Vanquishes

All I can say is WTF!!! WTF!!!

When I watch Youtube clips of European Cyclocross they don't look remotely like any of the shit we have to deal with in this neck of the woods. I suppose that is what makes the Cross Crusade series so appealing; the variety, uniqueness and challenge from week to week. Maybe it's sour grapes on my part because I can't compete and get lapped (only once during each race but by two fields). I guess I suck. In fact, I know I suck and that's why I'm riding that DFL line so closely each and every week. Maybe, just maybe if I had any type of bike handling skills on surfaces other than concrete/asphalt (unless we are talking about the track) I would fare better. Nah, I would still suck. I'm pretty sure this is what people see when they pass me:

-I 'm not sure if this guy has a little I Am Sam in
him, and I'll refrain from dispensing the obvious Cunego jokes.

There is one fan in particular, I'll call him "jackass on the hill", who for the last two weeks has been encouraging anyone behind to pass me on the uphill sections. He'll yell shit like, "look how big he is and he's ahead of you" or "my money is on you (you not being me)". I chuckle each time he opens his mouth. Moments like that are what make Cross racing worthwhile.

We Have A Winner!

Last week's poll results have been tallied and we have a winner. By the narrowest of margins here is your winner:

+

Thank goodness this was the first runner up:

...or we would have seen a whole lot more of this:

Until next time...

Thought for the day...

It's been awhile since I last posted and for that I apologize. I would attribute it to my laziness. Today I'm invigorated and ready to go. I'm going to keep it short and sweet. Use the above poll for the posted photo.

Prelude to a Post

I went grocery shopping this evening prior to sitting down to more Men's 3 Meter Springboard Diving. Who doesn't enjoy a little diving with a banana hammock and your closest friends? I was faced with a bit of a dilemma. Some people are out there looking to find the cheapest gas. Well, I'm out there pinching pennies on a different type of fuel. Some of the uppity ups might conisder it petrol. I consider it to be sweet nectar. When I entered the walk-in cooler I was greeted by two friends I haven't seen since college, Mr. 24 Ounce and Mr. 40 Ounce. How do you choose without hurting someone's feelings? I was conflicted.

...until I was introduced to the NKTB. If you don't know what that stands for look it up. At only 5.4 cents/ounce the price couldn't be beat, and when I thought things couldn't get any better I realized I was looking at a product I had never laid eyes on before. I couldn't believe it. As I was walking to check-out I heard someone say, "they make PBR Light?". Those were my exact words when I first laid eyes on it. Damn straight they make PBR Light! Here it is with a new label but the same piss taste. Mmm, mmm good. Isn't that a Folgers tag-line or something? I know, it's Campbell's Soup. Still a liquid.

-Drink this so you can tolerate this on MSNBC at 3AM...

-Going for the gold. God Bless America!

A Season of Crashes

It started when I took the new Cross bike out for a test ride with my Carbones (ride your training wheels when testing out a new bike even if they need tubes). Well, I was going downhill and accelerated out of the saddle to avoid traffic. The next thing I know it's me ass over tea kettle sliding down the middle of the road in traffic at 28mph (the chain skipped a gear- gotta love the marriage of a new bike and the mechanically challenged). Fortunately, I played baseball growing up so I executed a pop-up slide into the curb. Nothing beats sliding through traffic and seeing cars lock up their brakes all around you. Surprisingly, there was no road rash, but my hip was not happy. I still don't know how I didn't break something. Here is my rear Carbone (both tires blew and the wheels rolled off the rims):


Next we head out to Piece of Cake. If you'll recall that was the race where a rider was hit by a car. Yeah, hit by a f'ing car (he was seen walking around after the race), and we continued the race. With 2K to go the pace picked up and things got a little sketchy. As is the case with any reaction in the field the accordion effect took place and worked it's way back. I about shit myself when we were going 30mph on the flats and Adam Blanchard's rear derailleur was all of sudden ripped off by my front wheel. We kept it up. I guess this doesn't really qualify as a crash, but Adam needed a new bike and I was out another wheel. Here is my kysrium sans a spoke:

The Albany Crit. It was simple. Seth and I were plotting how we were going to 1-2 the field with about 5 to go. Then we were plotting how to get our shit out the road before the field came back around. I don't what know happened other than a couple of teammates taking each other out. Classic. I don't have anything to show from that crash other than this glove. If it doesn't fit, you must acquit.

Now our journey takes us back to Portland and the Velodrome of Alpenrose. One word when we talk crashes and Alpenrose- carnage. Even though this was my first Madison in a few years I thought I was good to go. I guess a cat. 1/2 Madison is a little different than a cat. 4 Madison with E-Racer. Long story short, I screwed up and drew the shit end of the stick. Crash! Boom! Head over heels and onto the apron (again). Fixed gear bikes are very, very unforgiving. The tumble led to 3 extremely uncomfortable weeks of sleep. Note to self: being a strong rider on the road doesn't mean you're a strong rider on the track ( having something between the ears always helps- I left mine at home that day). 2nd note to self: it's ok to take pain meds if they help you sleep. 3rd note to self: it's not ok to take pain meds and PBR to go to sleep.

-Photo courtesy of the photographer that took it. Love handles courtesy of Tigard Donuts

The last stop takes us to the Sunset Crit. I was watching and waiting for Evan Elkin to make his move. It happened 1/3 of the way through the race and a Benaroya ride and I were the only ones who could bridge the gap. We were away for about 15 minutes and I knew it was only a matter of time until we lapped the field. The question was "could I hang on until that point?". The answer was "no!". I popped off because I'm a quitter (and my legs weren't responding after the Twilight Crit). One lap later I executed a perfect "slap the pavement with my back". I have no idea how it happened. I do know that my front wheel rolled off the rim and two other riders took a spill in the same corner.

-Photo Courtesy Sue Hanna Dan Wilson was kind enough to give me his wheel, although he mentioned at least 3 times that "it's a lightweight wheel". Thanks, Dan!



-Photo Courtesy Sue Hanna Dan having second thoughts about giving me his wheel. I think he is saying to himself, "did I mention to Aaron that the wheel is lightweight?"

There are two races left in the road season for AC. The Spirit Mountain oddsmakers have me at 9:2 to hit the deck. I don't like those odds. TBD...

Ode To Brian

Brian Marcroft has been bothering me to add a new post for quite some time. Here it is and it's in your honor. I really don't know who takes the time to check this out, but if you happen to be reading, thank you.